On Birthdays and Beginnings

Last night I watch another of those Old English films that I sometimes bring home for myself. One line in particular struck me,"What stumbling ways a new soul is begun." This is Keates response to his friend. The new soul is the child growing inside the pregnant kitchen maid. Keates is determined to find the father and force him to accept the responsibility of his child. He brings the matter to his friend only to discover that his friend is the reluctant father.

I cannot help but think, "What stumbling ways I was begun."

I am surprised how often I discover people I know and love who, like the poet's friend, are ready-and-willing to abandon the inconvenient child. It's as if they belong to the "I Was Planned And Wanted" club, or "My Children Were Planned And Wanted." Anyone who does not belong to the club does not deserve protecting, and so they rationalize away the lives of the innocent. I never had the "luxury" of these arrogant thoughts. My new soul stumbled into life within a sixteen-year-old "maid." By the time I was born my father was eighteen, and terrified. I can't help but have compassion on him. Two weeks ago I sat in church and watched a tiny four month old baby girl trying to catch the eye of my eighteen year old son from the pew in front of us. As she smiled into his face I had the uncanny realization that I would have been only a couple of months older than this child when my birth dad was Jordan's age. It would be a challenge for my son to accept such a responsibility, but to walk away from it...

There are those who would coldly say that I never should have been born. Indeed, many of my brethren are killed each year for the offense of having stumbled into life "inconvenient." As if the child must be held accountable for the circumstances of his or her birth. It was not easy being born to teenage parents. Yet, I thank God for allowing me to know first hand that we all begin life stumbling... not by our own volition, not as an "inconvenience," but as tiny souls that He placed here for a purpose. I thank God for the unexpected gifts of souls that have "stumbled" into my life. And every birthday I cannot help but pause and consider the humble beginnings of my own story;}

Miracle!

Kris Kringle looks earnestly into the doubting, young woman's face and says in an almost pleadingly, "If you can't accept anything on faith...you are doomed to a life dominated by doubt." That truth resonated with me, so that I interrupted my watching of Miracle of 34th Street, got up and scribbled it down. This is truly one of the richest seasons of the year in faith and doubt.

I roll to my side, my feet "plunk" down in faith that the floor will once again catch me. I seize a piece of paper then scramble to the kitchen in faith that I will find a pen returned to the junk drawer beside the stove. Every person exercises faith. Without it you can't even move!

Commercials pan across the TV screen of businesses still doubting they will be in the "black" this Christmas season in an abysmal economy. Some acknowledge the reason for the season, "Christmas," while others pander for Christmas cash in cognito with little to ease their doubt but faith in consumerism and advertising...hoping for a miracle. Charlie Brown cries out for someone to explain to him what Christmas is all about in the empty world of lights and packages. Friends on their posts can be found saying that they're just not "feeling it" this year...doomed to doubt the joy of the Christmas. And yet, it matters not.

Christmas comes, as the Grinch notes, without ribbons, boxes, or bags. Christmas comes whether I feel it, or not. Christmas comes whether we're in the red or in the black. Christmas will continue to come whether I live by faith, or dominated by doubt. Christmas cannot be found as Scrooge's nephew observes "apart from the veneration due its sacred name and origin." Ready or not the Christ comes as a God's gift to us. The longer I live the more I surrender to the miracle of Christmas! God bless it!

A Year In Brief

I has been a full year since I have posted, so a brief catch up is in order. It's been a year of "Got to's."I got to student teach Kindergarten last winter. It is true, everything you need to know you really do learn in Kindergarten. At least I did! I feel in love with the kids, and had to say goodbye. This was truly a punction mark in the story of my life. Then, I got to celebrate my graduation with my family. I got my degree in the mail. And now I am pursuing "Get to's." I get to substitute teach! Which means I get to make my own schedule. I get to decide where I will work, and where I will never work again! I get go on field trips with Sophia, and I also get to be her teacher sometimes. I get to visit universities with Jordan and help him make a plan for his future. And everytime I step into a new assignment, I get to have the first day of school all over again! I get to be the new kids on the block. I get to get lost in the building. I get to try and figure out the rules. I get to met new adults and twenty-five kids that I have never seen before. I get to be taken advantage of. I get to be loved and/or hated before the day is out. I get to be vulnerable. I get introduced to new ways of doing things. I even get to make money for a change instead of give it all to the university. Oh yeah, I also get to start paying back my student loans. For now, it's working for me!

Testing...1...2...3...testing.
I'm trying to get re-aquainted with my blog. Let see how I am doing.

Fall Photoshoot

Sophie and I did a Fall Photo Shoot in the front yard. She's not too bad with the camera.

Walk Like an Egyptian

Mark and I went as Cleopatra and the Mummy to the Mika's Halloween Party last night. I told Mark he needed a sign that said "Whose your Mummy." We were successful at cutting him out of his bandages by the end of the night. Next time we do this he's wearing a toga!

A Winning Team

Mark and Jess busted out the moves for Andrea's band and won first place in the dance competition as the family looked on. Mark wanted me to go. I said, "I like dancing with the crowd. You like dancing for the crowd. Go dance with Jess!" Needless to say we were all impressed!